Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
