I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
