yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize