our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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