Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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