my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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