oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
