I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
