dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
