I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The beer is more important than you right now.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
