btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
