the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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