Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
