My room smells like vodka and shame
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I have grass duct taped all over my body
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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