i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
