i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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