dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We left the knife in your bed.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
