Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
