Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize