I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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