it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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