I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
