I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
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