The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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