if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
