I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize