Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
