it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
