What a fucking waste of an outfit
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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