I am puke
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize