my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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