you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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