I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
