I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
