i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
