Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
