is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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