So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
