i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She announced her abortion via fbk
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
please don't ironically join a cult
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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