Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize