What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize