You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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