I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
