Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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