He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm both gender and math confused
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
