peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
