after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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