I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
