we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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