508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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