I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
