He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize