I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
