I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
