I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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