i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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