If that was your dad, he is hot
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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