I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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