i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
