I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
