i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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