when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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