it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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