So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
