Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
