And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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