Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
