I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
