Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
